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It’s 2015. Interracial dating should not give people the same anxiety, aggravation or disgust that it used to in the Jim Crow past. Technically laws invalidating interracial marriages were only prohibited in 1967 via the landmark Loving v. Virginia civil rights case. Yes, that’s only 48 years ago.

MUST READ: 5 Ridiculous, Unexpected Problems You’ll Face In Interracial Relationships

However, there’s a running joke or maybe even cultural commentary that suggests that Black women are often mad at Black men in interracial relationships. This stereotype has been reinforced through comedy, reiterated by some Black men themselves and used to further a certain tired and clichéd perception of Black woman as being angry, or being “unwanted” by “their own men.”

Well today I’m here to say: Stop the bullshit.

First of all, let’s get something straight: There are many Black men who “want us.” The division of the Black family–pitting Black men against Black women, is something that has existed since slavery and colonization. And while there are some men who refuse to date within their own race, there’s still plenty of Black men who will always give love to their sistas.

Moreover, there are many non-Black men who want us too. And certainly, Black women’s identity in the United States exists between dehumanization and oppression on one hand, and a racialized fetish on the other, but make no mistake about it – we are wanted.

Now if a Black man has decided that come hell or high water, he must be with a non-Black woman, that sounds like he has some serious internalized racism issues that he still has to deal with. (The same is true for Black women who feel like they must be with non-Black men.) To pretend that attraction, beauty and “our preferences” just exist in a vacuum is to be living in a fantasy land. They do not. Check yourself and free yourself from the shackles of the constructs of Whiteness. You will be so much better off and you will be able to authentically appreciate diversity, while not negating the experiences of people who look like you.

So to any Black men who think that Black women as a whole are mad at Black men who date outside of their race, newsflash: we’re not.

We, however, might have a problem with the fact that some Black men in interracial relationships become very anti-Black woman, which is sad because well, they are usually born of a Black woman. And to those men I say – and it’s something I saw on #BlackTwitter recently – “If you have something nasty to say about Black women, write it down on a piece of paper and give it your mama.” Bloop!

I’m going to need society to stop finding every corner of conversation to throw Black woman under the bus – be it our bodies, our struggles, our womanhood, etc. We are here, we’re thriving, and nobody is going to take that away from us. And on behalf of all the beautiful, brilliant and bright Black woman everywhere: We are so busy trying to get ours in every area of our lives to even notice Black men in interracial relationships.

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