The reality of frivolous lawsuits is that they rarely yield the desired results of the plaintiff, and a judge in Ohio found a clever way to dismiss one such case last week. Franklin County Judge David E. Cain wrote a legally-themed poem to dismiss a $2 million lawsuit filed by inmate Darek Lathan, who soiled his pants and sought damages for harassment, embarrassment and emotional distress.

As reported by The Columbus Dispatch:

The stench of a frivolous lawsuit inspired a longtime Franklin County judge to employ poetry in dismissing the case on Thursday.

The lawsuit was filed in October by an inmate at the Correctional Reception Center in Orient, who accused a correction officer of causing him to soil his pants on Sept. 17 while standing in line for recreation at the prison.

Darek Lathan wrote that he warned the officer he was struggling with a cold and diarrhea from taking cold showers in the prison, but wasn’t allowed to get out of line.

He suffered “harassment, embarrassment, riddiculing (sic) and emotional distress” when other inmates began laughing at him after the bathroom accident, he wrote. The lawsuit asked for $2 million in damages.

Of course, the poem as to be shared at this point, which can be read in full below courtesy of The Columbus Dispatch:

Cold showers caused his bowels to malfunction

Or so the plaintiff claims

A strict uncaring prison guard

Is whom the plaintiff blames.

While in line for recreation

And little time for hesitation

His anal sphincter just exploded

The plaintiff’s britches quickly loaded.

It made the inmates laugh and play

To see the plaintiff’s pants this way

The foul, unsightly, putrid mess

Caused the plaintiff major stress.

Claiming loss and shame to boot

The plaintiff filed the present suit

But the law provideth no relief

From such unmitigated grief.

Neither runs nor constipation

Can justify this litigation

Whether bowels constrict or flex

De minimus non curat lex.

The phrase “De minimus non curat lex” translates to “the law does not concern itself with trifles.”

The 72-year-old Judge Cain has just a few years left in his post and decided to have a bit of fun at Lathan’s expense. Lathan arrived at the prison last September to serve a 17-month sentence for vandalism.

Cain told the media that he penned his legal poetry piece in an hour.

SOURCE: Columbus Dispatch | PHOTO CREDIT: Getty

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