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Contrary to popular belief, being a good conversationalist is not something you are just born with. That person you envy because they seem to be able to talk to anybody, maneuver their way through social situations with ease, and automatically inspire confessions and comfort in their conversational partners? Yeah, that person has done some work. They’ve probably read a book, a blog or both on the subject because being good at conversation is like being good at basketball. You don’t just walk onto the court, and miraculously know how to shoot the three — unless you’re Steph Curry. But even he had to practice.

The flip side to this truth is you can learn to be a great conversationalist. Even if you’ve spent your entire life bemoaning your fate because you just aren’t that good a “talker”, wishing you hadn’t blurted that embarrassing fact on your last date or overshared with that handsome stranger at the bar, you can evolve. You just need a little practice. How to get that practice? Social Media chat lines are great!

While you chat, you can practice the subtle art of conversation that will lead you to greater success in your relationships and your career… And to help you on your quest for the perfect conversation, here are three steps to get your conversations — and your dating game — flowing smoothly!

 

  1. Don’t Dismiss Small Talk

Small talk gets a bad rep. But it’s not actually the small talk that’s at fault, but the small talkers! Let me give you an example. Small talk usually goes something like this:

Speaker 1: “So, where are you from?”

Speaker 2: “I’m from Detroit.”

Speaker 1: “Cool, do you like it?”

Speaker 2: “Yeah, it’s alright.”

Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? Both these small talkers shot themselves in the foot. Speaker 1 by asking a close-ended uninspired question and speaker 2 by answering in a close-ended and uninspired manner. Neither speaker has much to work off, especially if Speaker 1 isn’t from Detroit, and both come away with a mild sense of “Now, what was the point of that?” Small talk doesn’t have to be this way folks. Put just a little more effort in, and small talk can go something like this.

Speaker 1: “What’s different about where you grew up?”

Speaker 2: “Well, I grew up in Detroit and the people there are straight-up. There’s no beating around the bush, we all just tell it like it is. Which has sometimes gotten me into trouble in other places I’ve lived. Like this one time in LA…”

Do you see what happened there? An open-ended twist on a classic question inspired an open-ended response which in turn provided a lot more material to continue the conversation with. Small talk can be fun if you know how to ask the right questions, and it’s also essential for getting to know somebody. You start small, and once you’ve established comfort, you can talk about the bigger stuff.

 

  1. Dig a Little Deeper

Once you’ve established a level of comfort with the person you are talking to, dig in. It’s time to talk about something that matters because now that you’re in, you want to get real close and cozy. One easy way to do this, is to ask for advice. People love to be asked for advice. It makes them feel valued, and invariably, a person will have an opinion.

It doesn’t have to be complicated either. Something like, “I’ve been thinking a lot about so and so lately and was wondering if I could get your opinion on it?” Immediately, you are drawing your conversational partner in, establishing trust and showing them that you are open to other people’s opinions.

Another benefit of this approach is that by sharing, you are encouraging the other person to share in return. Often, when we share an issue with someone, they will have a similar experience to draw on. We’re all human after all, and we go through many of the same things in life. This kind of sharing is an excellent way to build a relationship and will make you feel closer to each other in the end. CLICK HERE TO READ NEXT STEPS!!! 

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